Love 301: How to Love Yourself – Resources

Resources for Love 301: How to Love Yourself are found on this page, including Sliders, For Discussion questions, Homework assignments, Additional Resources, and useful links.

These videos are currently available at https://vimeo.com/ondemand/loveyourself

301.1 Introduction (and 301.2 Application Exercises) Resources

SLIDER
1. Love is a mystery and there’s no sense trying to control it.
3. Loving yourself is something you learn as a child, and if you didn’t learn it then, you never will.
5. Nobody knows how to learn to love, but there must be an answer out there somewhere.
7. It’s possible to learn to love yourself, and it’s worth a try.
10. Anyone can learn to love themselves if they simply learn and follow the steps.
11. Everyone already knows exactly how to love themselves, they simply have to remember that they know.

FOR DISCUSSION
1. How have you tried to love yourself more? How well did it work and what limited your success?
2. What does it mean to love yourself? In your opinion, is loving yourself ever wrong?
3. Look around and consider various aspects of your life. How would they change if you loved yourself more?

HOMEWORK
1. List any formative experiences you can recall from childhood that influenced your ability to love yourself. For example, how did your parents encourage and discipline you? How did friends and strangers treat you? What made you feel valued or alone? The purpose of this exercise is simply to raise your awareness of current perceptions and expecations. Please don’t spend too long psychoanalyzing yourself or feeling victimized by life.
2. List ways you hope life to improve as you learn how to love yourself better. Aim for at least 10 ways, and 15 or 20 would be fantastic! The purpose of this assignment is to open your mind to possibilities and help them come true more easily.

 

301.3 Experience Love Resources

SLIDER
1. I have no idea what “love” means. I have never felt any warmth toward myself or anyone else, and all I care about is survival.
3. Love belongs to other people but not me.
5. Love is a battlefield. It’s great to love someone, but ya better watch out for yourself first.
7. Love is wonderful but too rare, so I’m trying to learn to do it better.
10. I love everyone, including myself. I’m excited to be alive and love to help others be happy and grow.
11. Love is an ineffable mystery! It transcends meaning and flies among the stars! Love is everywhere and we don’t need to do anything about it!

FOR DISCUSSION
If you don’ t have someone to discuss these questions with, you should write down your answers because that helps cement the ideas into your brain better.
1.    Why does love care about your happiness? (Don’t worry if you don’t figure out the “right” answer here, the point is to think it over, examine the question, and prepare your brain for upcoming learning.)
2.    Why does love care about your well being?
3.    Why does love care about your growth and potential?
4.    Why does love delight in your existence?
5.    How does it feel to delight in being yourself?

HOMEWORK
1.    Think of something that would make you happy (without harming your well being) and do it. Afterward, notice whether it affected your capacity to love yourself.
2.    Recall something from your past that made you very happy or helped you grow. Let yourself delight in that memory and notice whether that affects your understanding of what it means to love yourself.

 

301.4 Love's Recipe Part One Resources

SLIDER
1: I am the most wretched person on earth (which REALLY means I’m the most humble!)
3: I’m a total loser, and there’s nothing very attractive about me.
5: I’m just average. I could list my best traits, but they’re no better than anybody else’s.
7: I’m pretty great. Yes, I also have plenty of flaws, but all in all, I’m a fairly quality person, or at least I strive to be.
10: I. AM. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel perfectly comfortable in saying, so, too! I’m not saying I’m better than anybody else – what does that have to do with anything? This isn’t a competition! There’s enough amazing for everybody to have as much as they want.
11: I AM THE KING (or queen) OF THE WORLD!!! BOW DOWN to my amazingness, worship me as your superior, scum! [Usually people with superiority complexes are actually, deep down, afraid of not being good enough, and they’re trying to compensate for their inadequacy.]

FOR DISCUSSION
1.    How easy (or difficult) is it for you to think well of yourself? Why is it so?
2.    How easy (or difficult) is it to TALK well of yourself? Why?
3.    Why does society generally consider it bad to think well of yourself? Do you agree or disagree with that point of view?

HOMEWORK
1.    Make that list of at least 25 of your best or most attractive and interesting traits. List your worst-slash-interesting traits if you must, then think about why each trait could possible catch someone’s attention or even affection.

 

301.5 Love's Recipe Part Two Resources

SLIDER
1: Why should I invest in myself? I’m not worth it.
3: The only way I invest in myself is with drugs, alcohol, and porn. I’d rather kill the pain quickly even if it only makes it worse in the long run.
5: I don’t think much about bettering myself, but I can’t help learning and growing a bit as I go along.
7: I set goals to better myself and suffer through them to enjoy the rewards later.
10: I LOVE investing in myself. It’s enjoyable and time well spent. It makes my life feel meaningful and satisfying.
11: Investing in my appearance and skills is hard work and I don’t necessarily enjoy it, but it’s worth it when I get to be better than everyone else!

FOR DISCUSSION
1.    How do other people invest in themselves? What are the results? Would you like to incorporate any of those investments into your daily or weekly or annual routine?
2.    When it comes to investing in themselves, how do happy, successful people live compared to miserable, lonely, or angry ones? Which type of person do your investment habits most closely resemble?

HOMEWORK
1.    List your favorite and most helpful ways to invest in yourself. If you list at least 15 items, you get a C. 25 earns you a B, and 40 gets you an A AND a gold star on your forehead . How does thinking of these in terms of investing in yourself affect your motivation to do them?
2.    Pick something from your list and do it – RIGHT NOW, without thinking about whether or not you feel like it. Notice how deciding whether or not you “feel like” doing something can needlessly get in the way of just doing it.

 

301.6 Love's Recipe Part Three Resources

SLIDER
1: I don’t really care what happens to me. I just keep going because of instinct.
3: I wish someone would take care of my wants and needs and make my dreams come true. It’s someone else’s job to love me, not mine.
5: I work hard to care for my needs, but I have to practically whip myself to get out of bed every morning and go to work or exercise and all the other things I’m supposed to do.
7: I take full responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, actions, and quality of life, and it feels good to feel capable. I sometimes let myself down, but I’m trying!
10: I love taking care of myself, and that makes me love to work. I always do what’s good for me – without going overboard and freaking out about every calorie I eat.
11: Don’t help me! I can do it myself! When you help me, it diminishes me and that makes me angry.

FOR DISCUSSION
1.    Have you ever noticed how serving (or investing in) someone made you love them more?
2.    Have you ever served someone without really caring about their happiness? Can you tell whether this failed to make you love them more?

HOMEWORK
1.    List several ways that you do a good job of caring for your needs and wants. How do these contribute to your happiness, well being, and growth? What message does this send to your brain (and to other people) about your value?
2.    List several ways that you don’t care very well for your needs and wants. What stops you from doing better? What message does this send to your brain about your value? What message would it send if you started caring for them better?

 

301.7 Everyone Deserves Love Resources

No homework today 🙂 Just keep moving along courageously.

 

301.8 Commit Resources

SLIDER
1: How can I even think about loving myself when I hate who I am and I hate my life?
3: No, I won’t promise to love myself. That’s stupid, since it’s impossible to know how I’ll feel in the future.
5: I’d love to love myself if that’s how things turn out, but I’m not going to WORK at it.
7: Yes, I commit to try to love myself, though it’s hard to know how well it’s really going to work.
10: Of course I promise to love myself! I can’t imagine any other way to live!
11: I promise to love myself, and every time I fall short, I will remind myself how STUPID I am and that I have to try harder!

FOR DISCUSSION
1. How does making a commitment to love yourself affect the way you approach these lessons?
2. What are the best reasons to make this commitment right now? Are there any good reasons NOT to?

HOMEWORK
1. Make a commitment to do whatever it takes to love yourself completely. Write it down somewhere you’ll see it often – maybe on the bathroom mirror on tape it to your computer monitor or car dashboard.
2. Say that you love yourself, out loud, where someone can hear you. Own it. Don’t feel ashamed or back down.

 

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